Change

HI!

This is a bit of an abrupt blog post, and it's quite personal, however I felt that it needs to be written, for me and for my readers, and for my friends that are in the blogging community.

My best friends and I have fallen out this week, and it's not a silly tiff, it's a 'I'm not going to be friends with you again', and honestly I'm 50/50 on it.

My friendship group was not a happy place to be, in my opinion it was too big, there was 13 of us, all from different backgrounds, all completely different and all stuck in the same place. Being such a big group there was bound to be disagreements, which is fine, having different opinions on a topic is healthy, it gives you something to talk about. However the part that isn't okay, is talking about your friends behind their backs, and that was the main problem.

Something would happen with a member of our group, they'd say something, wear something different or cut their hair in a different or unusual style, and as soon as they'd leave to go to the toilet, or they were not longer in ear shot, someone would mention something about that person to everyone else. Which is bitching. Everyone is two faced, you put on a persona not to cause arguments with your boss, or someone you work or go to school with, but not with your friends.

Every argument we've had as a group has been because of bitching, someone has said something and then that someone finds out and here you go, argument. And every time it's been sorted out because we have to see each other every day, and keeping the friendship going after an argument is great, but it gets to a point when you start to wonder why you're even still friends when horrible things are being said behind your back.

So I decided enough was enough, my friend left our group, I explained what was going on and why it wasn't okay, and then an argument happened, too many people got involved, and I wish it was more civil than it was but what's done is done. 

The main point of this blog post is that to say that even if change is needed, it might not always feel amazing at the beginning, and that's okay, it doesn't mean that you have to go back and undo what's happened. I'll be honest, I miss my friends. I think of all the fun times we had, and all the amazing memories we created, because amongst all the bitching and pathetic lying, there were hundreds of good times. And you might be thinking then why give it up? Well because I couldn't understand if you truly cared about someone and valued their friendship why you couldn't be honest and say things to each others faces. I don't want to be friends with people who lie to me, that's not what I look for in friends, and it was what was happening in my group. 

The point I'm trying and failing to make is that, I miss my friends, and I wish it would of ended more amacably than it did. And there has been times over the last few days where I've thought if I just messaged them it could all go back to normal, and I could go to their birthday parties and hang out with them again, and share new chapters of my story with them. But in the long run, not being friends with them will benefit me, I may feel crappy and left out now, but in 5 years I'll be happy, and have strong friendships with people who value me back. 

So if you've made a change recently, and you're regretting it, wait it out. Change is good, and it's needed. It might feel weird to begin with, but it'll benefit you in the long run.

And if any of my old friends are reading this I hope you're well, and I hope you use this fresh start to your advantage, I know I will be. I miss you guys, and I will for a while because you were amazing, and we had so much fun, but I hope you understand why it couldn't continue, and I hope you can accept that. Have a really good life and be happy. 

Cheerio!